Don’t you wish you could sit down and read something that did not mention COVID-19? I mean, the virus has already consumed almost three months (is that right?) of our year. It affects our daily decisions, it shifts our future goals, and it bends our dreams out of shape. I wish I could write something COVID-19 free, but often a blog post is used to tackle the issue at hand. Not for the reader’s sake necessarily, but for the author’s. By writing down my feelings and thoughts I can deal with them, hopefully.
I hope that good comes from this pandemic. I hope that it has allowed us to pause our busy lives and take a look at what really matters. I hope that things don’t go back to normal.
For the most part my world hasn’t changed during this chapter. I stay at home with my two year old daughter. We haven’t been able to run errands or go to my husband’s office for lunch. We haven’t been to any friends’ houses for play dates. Compared to how some individuals’ lives have changed my version of change seems small. I’m also an introvert. However, nothing like this quarantine has changed my view of staying home. I miss going places and seeing friends. I miss going out for date night. I even miss shopping at Walmart (my husband has been doing all the shopping–can I get a Whoop Whoop?!).
On the outside my world hasn’t changed much, but on the inside it has. I have dealt with a lot of fear and worse case scenarios playing in my head since everything started. (Any fellow Enneagram 6’s out there?) Fear for my sister’s safety (she is a nurse), fear that my husband or I would get sick, fear that my daughter would get sick, etc. This time my fear is not the result of me not trusting God (as sometimes it is). This time I have struggled with trusting other people. The results of this pandemic has largely been left up to the decisions of others. I don’t want to get into all of it, but how other’s have perceived this pandemic has stressed me out. When a friend or family member on social media writes that it’s all a conspiracy or rants about how they won’t wear a mask because it is uncomfortable and they have the right to choose not to….my distrust rises. It has been hard watching the world not use common sense….not care about others. I know there are many levels to it, but when you have a close family member in healthcare who is living it out and then contracts the virus (and recovers) you see things in a more serious light.
I am thankful…
I am thankful that numbers are decreasing.
I am thankful that the three of us are well.
I am thankful that this time of quarantine is teaching us a lot. My husband and I were talking the other day about how we are realizing the areas in our lives that we need to mature in and we are making goals to do just that. We have also taken the time to evaluate what are family goals are and we have started drafting a plan to make those goals happen.
I am thankful for my family, my husband and our daughter. I am thankful we enjoy each other’s company and we don’t find each other a nuisance.
I am thankful for our new Sabbath tradition (future blog post to come).
Most of all I am thankful that God cares to teach me at all. He doesn’t want to leave me where I am. He wants me to grow and mature and become more like Jesus.
Being thankful in the midst of fear & anxiety…maybe that is the key to finishing well?
Learning something and maturing in Christ no matter what circumstances I am walking through….maybe that is my calling?