Thursday, October 27th, I battled with anger. I didn’t know exactly why I was angry. Little things were making me frustrated and those feelings of frustration flipped a switch in me and I wanted to throw a fit and maybe even break something.
It had been a normal morning. My grandmother had even called to encourage me after hearing about the miscarriage. It was sweet and made feel loved.
Things went downhill from there. At lunch I wanted to shut myself in my room to pray and fight off the negativity and anger billowing up inside of me, but I couldn’t leave my daughter so I texted my husband partly joking, but not really, that he should come home and switch with me.
In his thoughtfulness he prayed for me over Marco Polo. Some of my anger went away as I prayed along.
Later when I tried to escape for a few minutes into Instagram land I was surprised to see some stories with quotes about anger. They reminded me that we have a helper in the Holy Spirit. I also saw a story about a new podcast on miscarriage. I flipped quickly to the next story thinking maybe I could listen to it another day.
It wasn’t until nap time when I sat down to do my devotions that it hit me. October 27th marked a month since the miscarriage.
When my mind had not remembered my heart had and it responded in anger and hurt. Realizing what day it was made me deeply sad and I felt so alone in my grief.
However, I realized my grandmother unintentionally had encouraged me when I needed it. Even God, Himself, had ministered to me through godly council on Instagram and through my husband’s prayer.
Even when I had managed to forget I was on His mind and He knew what I needed. What a blessing.
There are three reasons why I write this post today:
#1 to journal my experience through this chapter of my life–I want to be able to remember and grow from this.
#2 to encourage those who are experiencing loss and grief–I acknowledge your pain whether it is fresh or decades old. Your Creator sees you and knows your pain. He is ministering to you in ways you may not yet know.
#3 to remind those of you who have family or friends that are hurting–life gets busy, but try not to forget. They have not easily moved on. Let that hurting soul know that you care even if it is months or years later. You don’t have to bring it all up, just remind them you are thinking about them and that you are praying for them. They don’t expect you to remember the exact date, but don’t forget them. When you have told someone you will pray for them pray for them until there is a conclusion. Are they still waiting? Are they still hurting? Are they still ill? Continue to carry them to the feet of Jesus.